I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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