I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
