What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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