Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As shirtless as possible
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
