i'm signing you up for texting rehab
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
