i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
