You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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