Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
