I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
