Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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