I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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