Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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