it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
