i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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