i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Found the puke drawer
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
