I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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