My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
