put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
As shirtless as possible
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
