Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
