I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
