ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
