her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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