If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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