In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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