I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
