K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
