your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
