apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
