"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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