Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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