I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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