Do you still have your period?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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