life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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