so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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