i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
