omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
