If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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