dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
