i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
