her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
