yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
