Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
