No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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