god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
