have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
