Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
