she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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