I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
