I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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