the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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