dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't deserve a penis
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
