I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
