the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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